![]() ![]() An ideal freshman season of college soccer by just about every metric, yet Sarah Lepine was in a haze. Surrounded by trophies she had won on the track and on the pitch, with walls adorned with pictures of her friends and family. Then, the blonde, athletic, intelligent, popular 17-year-old would cry. She would get home from school, climb the stairs to her bedroom, and tuck herself under the covers. But when the rest of the world was sleeping, Sarah was sitting awake, too exhausted to close her eyes.īy her Grade 12 year, it was routine. To get a handle on how she was feeling, start to assert herself academically, and find joy in this life she loved so much, she would need to find the energy to do so. Like momentum in soccer, it felt like the field was tilted against her, and she was trying to kick a ball uphill. Days turned to nights, and back to days, often without her getting a moment of rest. Her parents were there, constantly checking in on her day-to-day life, but she gave them no indication that anything was amiss. ![]() But she struggled on her own, because the idea of opening up about whatever was going on inside her was too embarrassing of an idea to even consider. ![]() When Sarah’s phone would ring, she wouldn’t answer. And the classes where she had regularly earned A’s from her teachers? Unable to focus and incapable of controlling her daily thoughts, Sarah would try to will herself to be motivated to study, or complete the required homework assignment that would greatly influence her final grade. Soccer practice became a source of tremendous pressure. Verbally participating in conversation required great courage. But inside, it was as though there was someone playing defense in her mind, preventing her from participating in the things that brought her joy. She would still arrive at school and seek out her friends, trying to participate in whatever the topic of the day was. The nerves and discomfort she had become used to before a big track meet or soccer game became more regular.Īs hard as she tried, she couldn’t get her mind to slow down. Somewhere between her Grade 10 and Grade 11 years at CHHS, there was a shift. Her favourite part of soccer was her favourite part of school nothing made her happier than being surrounded by her friends in a social environment. She was a sprinter on the track & field team at Crescent Heights High School, where she was an honour roll student in the classroom. But on this day, and the day prior, and the day before that, she isn’t sure she is.įor as far back as she could remember, soccer had been her joyful place. Her cleats and shin guards and jersey and hair are exactly where they are supposed to be. Yet, her heart races, her mind is foggy, and she can’t bring herself to enjoy the pregame festivities.Īs a teammate rolls a pass to her feet, inviting her to warm up, Sarah Lepine smiles, bravely. Her friends and teammates are beyond important to her. This is where she is supposed to be, she tells herself. Lepine removes her headphones, and Guetta’s song is replaced with the sounds of her teammates chatting, balls being pinged around the grass, happy laughter, and talk of strategy filling the crisp air. They, too, need to be as tight as possible. The guards sit two inches, exactly, above her shoe sock. Her Calgary Blizzards jersey is tucked in perfectly to her shorts, its number 15 displayed clearly on her chest.Īs she walks to the edge of the pitch, her feet already numbing, she adjusts each of her shin pads. Then her left cleat, her fingers whitening as she grips the laces, tightening them as snugly as she possibly can. ![]() Her blonde ponytail spills out from the hair elastic atop her head, as she bends down and ties her cleats.įirst, her right cleat, pulling the laces so tight that her feet will surely numb soon after taking the pitch. Her pregame playlist blares so loudly that she wonders if her teammates can hear it as they get ready to play. She has had them in her ears since the drive to the field, and they’ve stayed there as she goes through her pregame routine. Sarah Lepine’s headphones are at full volume. ![]()
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